#MeToo is important, it will save lives.
I would like to go on the record as stating I am very confused by what the #MeToo movement stands for. Let me explain. I don’t understand the singular focus of it because there are so many different accusations that are coming to light, many of which are extremely shocking and painful, with others tip-toeing a line that could almost be hurtful to the cause of #MeToo. From the close women in my life, I am hearing more and more backlash that women actually have for eachother. This movement is causing a feminine rift, where some feel men are getting railroaded, while others are staunch supporters of every woman that comes forward. The issue at stake here is that there is not a single focus for the movement. This isn’t a bad thing I am saying. I say this because lately there have been several instance where women are coming forward, but the public is refuting their connection to the #MeToo cause. Can you really give a man a blowjob, then claim #MeToo, because he asked for it in an aggressive manner? I don’t think so. We need to move away from the few instances where stories are not quite aligned and move to a place where we recognize why this movement exists. It exists so that women don’t have to worry about some predator raping them. It exists so that men get the point that women will no longer put up with our shit. I am so down to fight for that. I love that.
#MeToo Stems from Social Media
Think about all of the women out there that are being saved from humiliation, degradation and abusive behaviour right now because of the #MeToo movement. We are baring witness to one of the most important cultural shifts that North America has witnessed since the 50’s and 60’s, where blacks were forging their way through, demanding more from white people. We were blessed as a world to have Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. They are representative of the thousands of black people that fought for social change. I wonder what MLK would have done with a Twitter account. Sadly though, we are going back to those times, where nameless people feel the courage to say racist things online because they won’t be held accountable in real life. This is very telling of the #MeToo movement, where men thought they could get away with these sorts of actions, with no fear of reprisal. Men thought they could ejaculate onto a rug on the floor while some helpless girl sits there, watching. They were doing that because they had the upper hand and there was no social media that allowed women to separate in some sort of way from the story they feel the need to tell. It is this fear of accountability that holds us back. Now, there is no fear. Social media has changed the way men can treat women and we should all be thankful for that.
Hiding Behind a Social Media Screen Name
Would a teenager post racist remarks in a chatroom if he knew that his address and name would be listed on the website? Of course not. Would someone try to kick someone of a bus if they felt the masses on that bus would not be on their side? Of course not. Would a man not commit sexual misconduct if he knew the world would know and that the masses were against those action? Of he he wouldn’t. Thankfully, this is the path we are on. Men are being held accountable, and it’s a beautiful thing to see. We should be thankful for this shift, as it will lead to happier lives for women, and the chance for everyone to live equally. There is a responsibility on men to behave in a certain way, since we are physically dominating. Wouldn’t you hope for a bear to be on their best behaviour if you invited them over for a drink? We need to call all of the bullshit out in order to make the world a better place. Sadly, there will be trivial moments that come along with this, where some feel that women are taking it too far, but the reality is, it is still for the better. It’s for the better because we can finely tune our new understanding of #MeToo and what it actually means to be a victim. Some women will come forward and be chastised for their victimless rants. Others will be staunchly supported and cared for. This balancing act is what allows us to shape the new paradigm.
Men Need to Change Their Approach
I would venture to say that 90% of men have done things which, today, would be completely unacceptable, and would actually now be considered sexual assault. The butt grab, men, is completely unacceptable nowadays. We also have the cat-calling, the aggressive come-ons, and the go-in-for-a-quick-kiss trick. All of these instances are being reported as sexual misconduct. I don’t know if I know a guy that didn’t go in a for a quick kiss as a means to get things started. Obviously if a women says no, immediately, we stop, but all of these actions are now disappearing. And…that’s ok. All of this is ok. Our pick-up lines just need to be stronger, our cologne a bit more expensive and our likability, a bit higher. We should graciously accept this challenge and move on. In fact, this sort of shift just may lead to more men getting picked up at the bar, by women! Now that’s a great thing.
Maybe women will accept our apology and move on with us? Perhaps there is a contingency of women that have not come forward, who do not feel that the incidents are impacting their life, and all they want is for someone to say they are sorry. After all, more and more people are coming out when they feel slighted by the man involved. For example, James Franco when he wore the “Times Up” pin. That is what set-off his accuser. She couldn’t believe he would be wearing such a thing. Perhaps if James Franco had apologized afterward, it would be ok. If he would have recognized that grabbing someone’s head and putting it on his exposed penis is too aggressive, he would not be in the situation he is today. This sense of entitlement for famous men is getting smacked by the #MeToo train, and now, no matter how famous you are, you better get a search warrant before getting into any woman’s jeans. Going forward, we as men should be very careful about who we are with and what we are doing to get sexual pleasures from them. We cannot merely grab a girls head and shove it down there anymore. Before you get upset at those words, hear me out. I think that women are now clearly asking for us to get permission. No physical caressing unless approves. These are the new rules of engagement. Franco is getting in trouble for not clearly communicating what he wanted. We owe it to women to adjust and ensure that they are with us for the ride. Otherwise, we are not moving with the times, and certainly not respecting their “new” desires. I think every man has grabbed the back of a girl’s head and brought it down to their crotch. Not in an aggressive manner, but more of a, “please oh please” manner.
The Solution to the Problem
Men, we need to work on ourselves. We need to recognize our past mistakes and be willing to look at them. Psychologists will always say to look at your problems squarely. Ray Dalio believes that for us to truly move on from issues, we have to focus on them, and overcome them by facing them. This is such a true statement. Let’s do that for the women in our lives, for the sake of humanity. I wonder what the statistics for 9-1-1 phone calls are over the last few months. Is there a chance that this movement is literally saving lives? It could be. We would have to wait for the statistics to now more. But, we do not need the numbers to make a commitment. Let’s commit to protecting women when the opportunity comes up. Let’s commit to being more creative with our pick-up moments. Let’s ask for permission when the thought arises. We must do everything we can to listen to what this movement is saying, and it is quite clear that what was happening before is not acceptable.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this movement. Do you see any transitions in your personal life because of it? Share your thoughts with us.